Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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