I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
