Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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