And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
im holly from the hills drunk
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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