It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
