You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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