Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
