are you still at the devil's house?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
