Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
should my penis look like a turkey
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
