my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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