Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He felt like a one man threesome
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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