I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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