Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
