I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
