yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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