My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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