Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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