sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
It was confusing and full of hummus
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
