i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
