My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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