Don't you send me to vm
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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