i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
