Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
