Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
