Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Randomize
