1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i out mim tonsoeep
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
