Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
