Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I touched a dick in church today
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
