I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
