I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
