I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
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It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
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I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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