She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
