The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I'm both gender and math confused
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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