Will you blow on my dice?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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