I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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