I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
