just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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