dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
