right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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