Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
