I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
