The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
