walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
