you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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