This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
