2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
