Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
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