Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
