You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
