I'm gonna have a badass scar
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
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You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
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It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
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