bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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