I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
