distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
