I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
