walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
