just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
