My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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