I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
