Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
