my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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