Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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