i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
My dick has a subreddit
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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