Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
