i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize