I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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